I’m going to marry the man that I’m with now. He said so himself. You might think this is just another obnoxious, typical, and generic couple who always says this and it’s all bullshit, but the other day, Charles told me, “I would never thought I would ever fallen out of love with you.” That broke my heart. But I knew I had to hear it. We talked for hours, and I was crying with so much pain in my heart. Then, he stayed quiet for the longest time with his eyes closed as I watched the trees moving from the wind. He finally opened his eyes and told me, “Lily, I need you to tell me that you love me. But you’re not going to like my answer.” I was a bit confused but I said okay. I had one hand on his hand, and the other over his heart. I looked him in the eye, and told him, “I love you.” He grabbed my face and kissed me. I pushed away, crying… “Charles, no!!! Please, stop.” Then he says, “Lily, I love you.” I told him to stop messing with me, and he said, “Look me in my eyes and tell me I don’t love you.” Then, he starts crying, “Lily, I love you! Tell me I don’t.” and I cried even more and said, “Charles, I know you love me.” And he grabs me so tightly, and passionately kisses me like the very first time we kissed. He had fallen out of love with me… but in that moment, when he had his eyes closed, he thought about everything, the past, our future, now… he said he’d fallen in love with me… just like that. “I know it sounds like complete bullshit. I know. But, Lily, I am in love with you. I want you now, I wanted you then, I still wanted you when I figured I didn’t love you. I want you forever. I’m going to marry you. This is not a proposal, of course, but I’m going to give you one that you deserve.”

I haven’t stopped replaying, “I never would’ve thought I would fall out of love with you” even though we’re even better now as a couple. I had to take a second shower so that I could cry somewhere privately. I do love him, and I know that he loves me. I know it. 

ambedo n. a kind of melacholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details—raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee—which leads to a dawning awareness of the haunting fragility of life

(via wonderdeer)